Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What Would James Bond Do?

So I'm settling into my place and routine just fine. But one of my roommates annoys the piss out of me. It's the Male. The Female is fine, we chat sometimes when he's not at home, and she's much more mature than he is even though he is three years older than her. But the guy... He gets on my nerves! Maybe it's the fact that he's 23 and from a small town and never had any sisters and so doesn't really know how to handle living with a woman who isn't his mother or wife. Every time he's home and I interact with him I end up annoyed.

For example, the other day I had just taken a shower and was wearing a giant thick warm bathrobe that is long, past my knees and wrapped myself in it so securely that the only thing that showed was half of my shins and my feet. I walked from my bedroom to my bathroom and back again while wearing the robe. On my way back to my room he shouted, "Aahhh!" in a high-pitched voice (I guess he was imitating a girl screaming?) and then said, "Sorry, I couldn't resist." I didn't say anything, didn't look at him, just scowled and continued on to my room. Then he asked, "Bad day?" to which I stonily replied, "No." Doesn't he realize how rude that is? I mean it definitely could have been worse, but how immature do you have to be that you can't handle the sight of a woman in a large, non-revealing bathrobe without making some kind of a comment? Ugh. A little respect is all I ask. I live here, I should be able to be comfortable wearing a long bathrobe without having to worry that someone is going to notice, let alone say something about it.

I have full use of the kitchen and often use it to cook and such. If he's out in the living room and sees me emerge from my room, he'll keep glancing over at me and try to get my attention while I'm cooking. I usually say a cordial, "Hello," and then go about my business. He'll either make noise or start blasting the pathetic excuse for "music" he listens to, or even start whistling as soon as I'm around. A terrible, tuneless whistle that gets under my skin and makes me clench my teeth. He's like a child who doesn't know how to make normal conversation with a person and resorts to noise-making to attract attention. I avoid him at all costs, but it got me to thinking there needs to be some sort of a role model for young men to learn how to act like Grown Men.

But then again, who are their role models today? Movie stars and rock stars generally just celebrate the money they have but don't necessarily deserve, and are themselves celebrated for living like pigs. Immaturity and stupidity is the new "cool". These guys need someone better to look up to. Someone like James Bond. You may scoff, but even though James Bond was a womanizer he was always suave, courteous, and mature. We need more Grown Men like this around, and for more young men to aspire to be like him.

For example, yesterday on my way home I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few things. As I stood alone in one of the aisles trying to decide on an item, two young guys entered the same aisle, but at the opposite end. I guess they noticed a female (me) nearby, and so they suddenly started talking in UNNECESSARILY LOUD VOICES and began what I can only imagine was an attempt to use humor to make fun of each other and attract the attention of the Female (still me). Nothing they said was funny, they just used foul language to try to make each other sound like idiots but in the end only made themselves sound like idiots. At this point I was trying to find something else in that aisle and couldn't leave yet, but they actually became so obnoxious that I literally hid the side of my face with my hand, like you do when you're trying to avoid being seen by someone you know in public. At that they finally quieted down and moved on. But then later when I stumbled upon them again in the parking lot they started right back up with TALKING UNNECESSARILY LOUDLY and trying to be funny.

Would James Bond do something like that? No. First of all, he would be shopping in either a sport coat or a perfectly paired turtleneck and trousers. Then he would casually walk up to you, recommend the beluga caviar and invite you over to his place for dinner and a cognac.

Quiet confidence. Gentlemanly behavior. It goes a long way. I'm just saying.

1 comment:

  1. I love this post. Totally thought I was reading a novel :).

    And I loved how you were so old school with the James Bond and even the picture. But then you used a current expression "just saying." that cracked me up.
    I could read this post again and again.

    Southern guys are a little more smoother and classier I've noticed. It's a nice break from the north.

    Also, I missed my IHOP in Harrisonburg VA and the IHOPS in MD are the pits. BUT the IHOP in Jacksonville NC looks just like the one in VA and is just as good if not better. :) Made me happy tonight and it'll be breakfast and lunch tomorrow yea! Oh and it's your fault because one of the things I got was a spinach omelet haha