Friday, March 19, 2010

Real Clouds and Fog Machines

Today was a beautiful day, work went by quickly and without incident, and even though I didn't get a seat on the train ride home, I did get a good standing place right next to the door and was so transfixed by the sky that my feet forgot to start hurting. The cloud formations were gorgeous, they were HUGE and fast-moving, it was like watching a pod of airborne whales swimming through the sky. All that blue-grey and gold and cream layered together... breathtaking.

I tried to take some pictures of them from the roof when I got home, as well as of the two seagulls who fly around my neighborhood a lot (not sure what they're doing this far inland, I guess they like Lake Michigan). The birds wouldn't stay in one place long enough for my out-dated digital camera to capture them. I guess if it were me up there, I wouldn't either.

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But enough of that. How fun would it be to have a fog machine? I definitely want one, right after I get my first pottery wheel and kiln (my signal to myself that I have "arrived.") Think of all the cool things you could do with a fog machine! I spent a significant chunk of time doing so, and after bothering Alisha with my ideas at work today, I decided she'd endured enough and it's time I torture you lovely people instead...

For example, if I had people staying the night at my house, I would get up early in the morning, make sure the door to my "boudoir" was shut, fill the entire room with fog, and as soon as I heard them stir, open my curtains (to make sure I was back-lit) and throw open the door, standing there in all my bath-robed, messy-haired glory with fog pouring out around me. That one might require a sweet sound system to play either Thus Spake Zarathustra, the theme to The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, or something by Alice Cooper.

I would do something similar in the bathroom, but without the groovy tunes. Just go inside, shut the door, wait for the fog machine to work its magic, then flush the toilet conspicuously and stroll out in a rush of smoke like nothing unusual was going on at all.

And think how arguments with boyfriends would be transformed!

Me: You're the one with the face! And you know what else! I can't believe--! And, also you--!
Bf: I never did any such thing, how dare you accuse me?! You know you're wrong this time, seriously!
(I reach back and flip the "On" switch on the fog machine with my foot. Fog begins swirling around me.)
Bf: No, NOT the fog machine again! You're only doing this because you know I'm right!
Me: (fog around my ankles) I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
Bf: Oh really. Then why have you turned on the fog machine, hmmm?
Me: (fog around my waist) I'm sorry, I just can't continue this conversation any longer. Not until you've calmed down.
Bf: Turn it off.
Me: (fog up to my neck) I don't know what you're -cough sputter- mean.
(No one moves. I am completely engulfed by the cloud of fog. A long pause. Finally...)
Bf: I know you're still in there.
Me: (invisible inside fog-filled room) Please go away. I've vanished into the mist.

Not to mention it's a fast and easy way to liven up a dull party, to hide when you have to run from the shower to the linen closet when you've forgotten your towel, and for special effects while watching scary movies. Yes sir, fog machine. I'm putting it on my Ultimate Wish List at this very moment.

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